Outside I may look all pretty, outside I may look calm
But on the outside you can’t see my own body causing me harm
Outside I look happy, on the outside I hold a smile
But on the inside it feels like I’ve just run a mile
My heart is always racing and going way to fast
While Doctors dismiss saying “ it’s due to stress from your past”
I know it’s not stress because I know MY body best
Which then made me feel better when proven on a test
But each new diagnosis, comes with a new pain
With that, can only come a new life lesson to gain
For everything happens for a reason, this much I know to be true
But knowing that doesn’t help me to know how to feel or what to do
No known purpose, no way to purposely fill each day
Who I once was, now changed in almost every way
Days now filled with chronic pain & hope some days lost from fears
Worrying, hopes crushed & insecurities ending in tears
Some days aren’t so bad, then not over doing is the challenge at its best
Yet most days are so bad and painful, that all I can manage is Netflix & bed rest
The hardest part of this life, are doctors that are mistreating and condescending
That’s why we have to self advocate, for our bodies we are continually defending
Otherwise we are lost to misdiagnosis & wring medication
These doctors need to have constant empathy & compassion education
They see us on the outside, when the red to look deeper
As they are paid to be the illness and answer seeker
Although having an answer helps a lot, it’s also after care we need to know
To which way our diagnosis can end up, which way our health & mind can go!
The downside to it all is our health changes so fast
That all we can think of and want is now in the past
We start losing friends when our life gets to complicated for them to deal
But shows who your “true friends” are… or maybe that’s just how I feel?
All I know, is that I wish this was a bad dream & that this life isn’t REAL!
The poem says it all 👍
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