Invisibly ill poem

Outside I may look all pretty, outside I may look calm

But on the outside you can’t see my own body causing me harm

Outside I look happy, on the outside I hold a smile

But on the inside it feels like I’ve just run a mile

My heart is always racing and going way to fast

While Doctors dismiss saying “ it’s due to stress from your past”

I know it’s not stress because I know MY body best

Which then made me feel better when proven on a test

But each new diagnosis, comes with a new pain

With that, can only come a new life lesson to gain

For everything happens for a reason, this much I know to be true

But knowing that doesn’t help me to know how to feel or what to do

No known purpose, no way to purposely fill each day

Who I once was, now changed in almost every way

Days now filled with chronic pain & hope some days lost from fears

Worrying, hopes crushed & insecurities ending in tears

Some days aren’t so bad, then not over doing is the challenge at its best

Yet most days are so bad and painful, that all I can manage is Netflix & bed rest

The hardest part of this life, are doctors that are mistreating and condescending

That’s why we have to self advocate, for our bodies we are continually defending

Otherwise we are lost to misdiagnosis & wring medication

These doctors need to have constant empathy & compassion education

They see us on the outside, when the red to look deeper

As they are paid to be the illness and answer seeker

Although having an answer helps a lot, it’s also after care we need to know

To which way our diagnosis can end up, which way our health & mind can go!

The downside to it all is our health changes so fast

That all we can think of and want is now in the past

We start losing friends when our life gets to complicated for them to deal

But shows who your “true friends” are… or maybe that’s just how I feel?

All I know, is that I wish this was a bad dream & that this life isn’t REAL!